|
| 14 January 2007
|
| Why you should bribe your barber
|
First of all I would like to say that this blog is intended towards male audience. The female audience might feel a bit uncomfortable as the string of events described herewith are primarily not of their concern. Discretion is advised.
I've just come back from a hair-cut and the overflowing stream of eclectic emotions that I am experiencing right now has forced me to right this post.
Let me go back to a little bit of history and basics about the concept of barber. OK. Now, imagine yourself in an island, away from civilization, and picture yourself having spent months, or probably years just waiting for rescue. What do you see? Im quite sure you see yourself with a pretty long beard and long and crappy hair dangling all over your face. What does this prove? This proves that the first requirement of a civilization is to have a barber. In other words, you can call a group of people civilized if they go to a barber regularly (with few exceptions). The turning point in human history came when barbers became specialized and spent the whole day cutting human hair and giving them a civilized appearance. If there is anything which can be contributed towards the critical point in anthropology, it has to be the appearance of barbers.
Now enough with the history, lets move towards present-day scenario. Males of our species, between the age of 5 and 50, visit the barber regularly, with a frequency of, on an average, once in a month. This can be extended upto a maximum of two months but beyond that his companions get adamant. A visit takes about 30 minutes, but on busy weekend mornings, it can be extended by another 30 for waiting in line. Normal routine includes a hair-cut and a shave, sometimes doubled up with a head and/or a face massage. All India Radio plays in the background, providing company to the harsh cacophony of the scissors and the bustling morning market. The operation starts with a moistening, then proceeds towards the actual procedure of trimming, and ends on the final note with a brief inspection of the work done and payment of the fee. A shaving procedure is similar too.
The barber, though considered powerless over centuries, is a very powerful man. His scissors wield more power than that of the sword and the pen combined. He shapes not only the leaders of the world but also the mass. He can start a revolution or end it. He is the face of our past, present and future.
Power brings with itself responsibility. And he realises it well. He keeps himself under control, demonstrating his powers only whenever necessary. But still, one has to be careful of a powerful man.
If denied acknowledgment of his absolute powers, he can be a very angry man. Catastrophes resulting from his fury include
1. A bald look, which is undeniable for the next month
2. Asymmetric finish, which results in an appearance which would even make a joker laugh, the only way out of which is the bald look, which if not that worse is certainly not any better.
3. Razor cut causing inflammation, the only way out of which is use of an antiseptic, which, ironically, causes even more inflammation.
4. Infection due to reused blades which can cause a whole family of illnesses including AIDS.
5. Clipping of the earphone/microphone wires, if used in conjunction with the process, causing a loss of terrible amount of money and a few more hours.
6. Razor cut on the neck, causing probable instant death.
7. A bad hair day consistently for the whole month.
8. Cut on the lips, which seriously doesnt look cute.
9. Choking to death (during face massage) - This was new and I learned it today only.
10. And a lot more things that I probably am unaware of...
Ive had cuts for as cheap as Rs. 10 and for as expensive as Rs. 150+taxes, and let me tell you, apart from the crowd (and the ambiance), everything else remains the same.
Going to a barber is, like mosquitoes and friction, a necessary evil.Labels: barber, wrath |
posted by Rohit Agarwal
  |
|
|
|
|
|
